Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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