I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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