I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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