is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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