Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
