The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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