I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
