I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
