everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sober January is a disaster.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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