Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
