I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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