I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
