Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she looked like the before picture.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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