hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
