I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
