Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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