Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
