So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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