When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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