your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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