Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
