guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
