Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
