i wish my penis had a tongue
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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