I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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