we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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