I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
