man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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