loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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