i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
