I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
