dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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