Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We have started to decorate penises.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
