i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
