Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
