I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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