DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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