The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
