sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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