Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize