he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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