you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
