he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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