Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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