my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize