You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
