too bad you live with your parents still
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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