I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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