Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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