the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
