I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
