Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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