I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
