She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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