God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
