hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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