dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
