he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
