dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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