Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
