I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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