whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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