Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
