I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
