she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
