I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
