I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
