the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
