Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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