Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
