I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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