Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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