I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
