I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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