I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
