Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
