You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize