Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
