Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
