Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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