i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
