Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
