i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
