Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
