I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
