i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
