Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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