guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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