if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
